We just might have been the dumbest people ever to have traveled to India without a plan, a first aid kit, antibiotics for colds and stomachs, or vaccinations, but one thing we had more than enough of was laughter. Now, after returning home to the safety and cleanliness of my own apartment, I decided that, before I even unpacked, I needed to spend ten minutes finally typing out the Best and Worst of India 2008-09 list that we've been working on for the last two weeks.
It was a brilliant move to purchase a couple of small notebooks for writing down precious words and phrases, moments of hilarity, and titles that we gave to each other. My little black one, used for just that, is also full of personal things, blog ideas, to do lists, and mementos. It was a necessary part of my trip, and will allow me to share the following hilarities with you. Now, I figure that this stuff will not be as funny as it may have been to us, but allow yourself, if you will, to fall into our world of immaturity, sarcasm, naivety, and good-natured fun. And please, have a laugh at our expense.
And with no further ado, the following is a list of everything good, as well as the worst, of our winter holiday in India.
Best and worst:
Best stomach: Wendy
Worst stomach: Michele, who got Delhi belly at least three times
Best bargainer: Greg, who could swindle the price down enough to save himself money for many taxi rides in the Philippines
Best sleepers: the Nonato boys, much to the disdain of Michele and myself
Best thing we stole: Airline blankets, which were useful day after day after day
Best looking: Bollywood star Shahrukh Khan
Best purchase: A 3x4 cardboard cutout of Shahrukh Khan, which was tragically left at a hotel in Udaipur
Most likely to be able to grow as much facial hair as a Venezuelan Barbie: Greg
Best packers: a three way tie between Greg (for having the least amount of stuff), Wendy (for packing light AND never having have had to do laundry), and Mike (for coming home with the least amount of things)
Most unusual packer: Michele and her rolling suitcase
Most likely to have sunshine coming out of his ass: Greg
Least likely: Wendy
But, by far, the Best Entertainment Value title goes to Michele, who earned herself a whole slew of titles on our trip including, but not limited to, Most likely to bring a rolling suitcase to India, Most likely to wake up with some ailment or another, Most likely to be drugged up on Gravel, Most likely to laugh until she literally pees, and Most likely not to have kids until she's 32 (or to get a second opinion about it).
Michele, for all it is worth, was an incredibly good sport. We really gave her a hard time, and made her laugh at herself, which she is a pro at doing. She also provided us with so many nuggets of laughter in her quotes, which were sometimes as naive as they were memorable. Some of the best quotes from Michele:
"Italians, they'll touch you. But if your friends are cakers..." (in referring to Canadians as cakers, a reference that neither Mike, nor I, understood)
"Am I a year older than you? Maybe I should be the mature one?"
"Shut ta zit! And that means 'be quiet'!" (yeah, Michele, as if we couldn't figure that out)
"Some people will never see these sights in all of their lifetimes."
"Would somebody PLEASE just eat these cows?"
"Excuse me, sir, but could you tell me what's on your omelet sandwich?"
"I can't take the camel seriously. Seriously."
"Those stupid, two-ass snowstorms." (referring to the two, stupid-ass snowstorms that kept her flights back to Japan, before India, late)
and our favorite quote of all: "It's the Italian in me." (which was Michele's response to EVERYTHING)
Best quotes from Wendy:
"Uh, guys, Greece is sounding pretty good right now."
"Michele, in honor of you, we're naming this camel Guiseppe, because it must be Italian - it's eating everything in site!'
Best quotes from Mike:
"So, do you guys adjust each other's boobs in those backpacks?"
"NRI must mean 'Not Really Indian', PIO is 'Pretty Indian Ofcourse', and OCI surely stands for 'Of Course I Am'." (in answer to the boxes we were asked to check on our Indian entry customs forms)
"Wear diapers." (in response to Michele's insistence that she couldn't help that she had to go to the bathroom all the time, and what else would he suggest she do instead?)
"I don't want to see your ass hairs!" (in response to Michele saying 'Eww, look at all of these nasty-ass hairs!').
In the end, it was amazing to travel with this group. We laughed, we cried, and if you were Michele, you even peed.