Tessa

When I think about Tess and I being friends, I smile.

Because really, what is the chance that I would walk into a local food store in Auckland, New Zealand and find someone from the same state as I am? In my eight months here, I can say I've only done that once.

What are the chances?

Believe me, I've gone over the absurdity of it. If she wouldn't have been in the store at that moment with that (Grinnell Softball) t-shirt on, I would have passed her with no second thought. And to this day, I have never, ever run into Tessa at the store again. Wearing an Iowa shirt OR normal clothes.

She would have gone on living three blocks away, unbeknownst to me.

But luckily, I did run into her and we're now great friends. We get together for coffee, smoothies, sushi, or shopping a few times a week. We always have lots to talk about, and we go on, blah, blah. The humor of two Americans, sitting oblivious to the rest of the world (which is how we are when we get to talking), is pretty funny if you think of it.

Tessa lives with and loves her boyfriend George. They met last time she was here doing her outternship (evidently like an internship, but opposite) for culinary school. She cooked at the same restaurant that he was a waiter at. They dated very casually at first, and then realized that they really liked each other. But, when Tess left to go back to the States, she left George here.

After finishing culinary school, she decided to return, pursuing and securing a position at the Auckland Hilton. That's how she ended up back here, with George, and at my Foodtown (or was I at HER Foodtown?)

Although Tess and I are very different (she likes to work out, I've become allergic to exercise; she knows what all foods are, I thought a lentil was a 40 day religious fasting period) it's still super great to have someone with whom you can talk about home (and even though she doesn't know who the Nadas are, I've forgiven her). In fact, we agree on the following things:

We can't stand how unreliable kiwis are.
We agree that Girl Scout cookies kick Girl Guide cookie ass.
We think nothing beats a morning cup of tea at a local cafe.
We both think tennis shoes here cost WAY too much.
We can't stand the lack of choice at the supermarket.
We both think that soya is a dumb name for soy.

She'll also be with my when I get my next tattoo. Very soon.

Lucky me for wandering into Foodtown on that warm November night.

Option C

Been very, very busy.

Lots lately to occupy my time.

But have been thinking about option c, if a and b don't work...

If no teaching job, I might travel for a bit in a foriegn land before coming home. Maybe Asia or South America.

Does anyone want to come with?

In between

It's April.

Wow.

As of 6:40 am on Wednesday the the 4th (that's 1:40 p.m. Tuesday the 3rd, CST), I will have been in New Zealand for more than 7 months. It'll have been 30 weeks. 210 days. Or, to be MORE exact, 5,040 minutes. Which of course is 302,400 seconds.

Life hasn't changed much since my last update. I am still teaching during the day and working at SP at night. School holidays start next week, which will be nice for a break, but not for funds, as I have to work for three hours at SP to make what I do in one hour at school.

As for what's happening next, I just don't know. Well, actually I do. Kinda.

Last week, I had a phone interview with the American School in Milan. The interview went great, but I am now finding out that the position may no longer be available due to re-structuring of the lower school. For now, I'll keep on waiting for further details regarding that position.

I have also been offered interviews for schools in both India and Liberia, but have passed both up, as neither suits me geographically. I am having a hard time finding the excitement to commit to 2 years of teaching in either of these locations.

I continue to apply, though not as rigorously, at international schools in Europe, but also a few in Egypt, Mexico, and South Africa. Not being at the international recruiting fairs puts me at a gross disadvantage to other candidates, but I am doing the best I can to be thorough and persistent online and via e-mail. I am keeping my options open, trying to be flexible, and hoping for a position, most likely during a last-minute hiring frenzy this summer.

I will wait it out until August or early September, as my visa in New Zealand doesn't expire until then, and I figure that if I'm not teaching internationally somewhere else, I might as well be working and living here as long as I can for the experience that I'll never get again.

My backup plan, if no teaching job opens, is to come home in September and start grad school in the spring. The 5 schools who have a program that suits what I want to study are are at Tufts (MA), Penn, Columbia (NYC), Elliot-Pearson (Chicago), and Iowa. All five programs are very different, and I still need to research which one suits what I want to learn the best. I'm sure Mom wouldn't mind the deferment of my student loans as well... There'd be plenty of perks to being Stateside again, as prompted in my last entry. I'd love to be closer to family again, and would really enjoy having the opportunity to watch my favorite t.v. shows live. For free.

Doing that will mean taking another year off of teaching in order to come home, move, apply, and get started. I have researched US schools online and tried to search out positions in school districts near the institutions that I am looking at, but haven't found anything open. It's also a bit hard to comit to that job when I am waiting on overseas ones as well. I'd kick myself if I took a job in Massachusetts and were then offered a job in Germany. So, I can continue to be a sub, which I like doing, while getting settled.

Now of course, my my publicist requires me to add a disclaimer that any of this can change at any time...

Excitingly, I've just found out that one of my best Waukee teaching friends, Danielle, and her husband Eric, are expecting their first child at the end of this year. Just as exciting was finding out that my longtime friend and one time partner in crime, Jen Farrell, became engaged to her boyfriend Kyle, under the Eiffel Tower, during a trip to Europe in March. (boy - that paragraph had a lot of commas, huh?)

I have great friends and family at home who continue to send me care packages in the mail, which is always welcome and makes me smile. Both my mom and my friend Tera, after reading the horrifying story of the Girl Guide cookies, sent me boxes of Girl Scout cookies, which I am slowly rationing on a daily basis. My auntie sent me $20 this week, which was really neat to open up (and so foreign to look at!). Instead of spending it, I'm saving it - it's tacked to my wall. Coolest item in any package to date? My mom, who had all of the Super Bowl commercials put on a DVD for me (narrowly edging out the bacon that Aunt Barb's tried to send me last October - it was confiscated by customs, which is worth the story in itself).

During this 'in between' time, I am taking every day in New Zealand as it comes, and loving every moment of it. I have become more confident, and more cheeky (much to the dismay and smiles of my flatties), and am very proud to consider myself more worldly and accomplished. Each day I marvel on my coming here, and how effortlessly I have grown into the routine of living and working in a foreign country. It's very empowering, and I'm loving every minute of it.

Disputes

If you were able to be a permanent life-long resident and full citizen of New Zealand based on the number of times you'd used the court system in the first six months of your stay, I'd be in.

The Dispute Tribunal court and I are officially best friends (sorry, Nik).

I am in the process of filing my second dispute now for monies owed to me, and I have to say, so far, the legal system in New Zealand has not let me down.

-------

Dispute #1: Wendy J. Foreman v. Joy B. Winkleman

Joy is my former flatmate. You might remember at one time that she was going to sell me her car. Instead, she took $240 of my money to fix it and never paid me back. Or sold me the car. So I took her to court.

After finally securing a court date I showed up to plead my side of the case. She didn't - out of the country or mourning for a dead relative or car wasn't working or something like that. In her absence the court ruled in my favor. Joy B. Winkleman was required to pay Wendy Foreman the sum of $240 immediately. As you can imagine though, being 'out of the country' makes it hard for you to get your mail, so conveniently, Joy still didn't pay.

Imagine my surprise when a week after my court date, I went to a concert (in Auckland) at the theatre she was formerly employed at to find out that she was currently an employee, and was working that night (she's a clever one, huh?). Although I avoided her that night, I promptly went back down to the court on Monday morning to turn her in. She was summoned by a court official, and required to either pay or show up in court, with the consequence of being arrested for failing to do so. She paid the monies to me one day before the court date, although she still wasn't very happy about it.

As if I care how happy or unhappy she is.

-----

Dispute #2: Ian Bellew, Sheena Papuni, Doug Tauronga, and Wendy Foreman v. Julia Gibson (pending)

Julia is my (our) former flatmate. While living here she charged us each $160 per week for rent and bills.

Since those numbers mean nothing to you, follow me through some math:

$160 x 4 (just for fun we'll exclude Julia from paying rent...) = $640 / week for rent at 126 Williamson.

Imagine our surprise when we found out that rent on our property has only ever been $550 a week.

That's a surplus of $360 a month (let's also remember, just for fun, that Julia wasn't paying rent in that equation).

For fairness, we have to take out the bills too: $360 (what we've been paying) - 250 (bills) = $110 extra each month that we have never seen. (Still without Julia paying rent).

In essence, we figure that if Julia had been paying rent each month that the surplus in our flat account (only for the last 5 months that I have been living here and there's been 5 people in the house) would be significant, as demonstrated in the following equation:

$3600 (5 people paying rent for the entire month)
-2450 (actual cost of house rent + bills per month)
--------
$1150 x 5 (months) = $5,750.

But the truth is that Julia hadn't been paying rent. Our rent had subsidized hers. AND she thinks we owe her money. Around $400, to be exact.

So, we're still considering sending a dispute to the tenancy tribunal, but haven't decided yet. Noone in the flat can come to a reasonable decision about it (shocking, I know...), but I'm still pulling for court. It worked for me once, right...?

The Future...

A couple of weeks ago after catching up on my blog, my friend Tera wrote "I loved reading your blog about Mary leaving, but what will you miss when you leave New Zealand?"

So, I thought it would be fun to make a list. A predictive list of what I think I'll miss (and what I won't)...

I'll miss:
*pie
*SPQR
*aioli
*Nay Nay
*eating foccacia and aioli with Nay Nay at SPQR
*pineapple lumps
*rugby
*the scenery
*wooden floors
*not wearing shoes at school (never thought I'd admit to that one...)
*the weather
*accents
*Ponsonby
*dollar coins
*hanging my clothes out to dry
*kids calling band-aids 'plasters'
*not seeing SUVs
*flavored canned tuna
*Richmond Road Primary School
*the Auckland skyline
*rounding all payments to the nearest $0.10
*public transportation

I will NOT miss:
*the non-existant shelf-life of bread
*non-refrigerated eggs
*paying $13 for People magazine
*drama (Kiwis LOVE drama)
*not having heat or a/c
*the cost of toiletries
*Foodtown
*Ponsnobbies
*Auckland drivers
*the cost of living and the price of the dollar

I'll look forward to coming home to:
*Target
*fountain pop
*calling pop 'pop'
*The Gap
*sherbet
*diet cola
*cinnamon rolls in a can
*grocery shelves LINED with choices
*Old Navy
*seeing baby Corbin

Wide Wide World

Did you know that the Philippines are an American colony?

I didn't.

Imagine my embarrassment during the following conversation, which took place in front of my whole dance class, between Joel (my instructor) and myself:

Joel (taking roll): Wendy?
Wendy: Here.
J: Have I asked you yet where you're from?
W: I'm American.
J: From which part?
W: The midwest. Which is why I can't dance.
J: Not LA?
W: No. How about you? You have a great American accent.
J: I'm Philippino. It's an American colony, so we learned American english.
W: Oh, cool. (which is code for 'The Philippines is an American colony?)

Nonetheless, I checked it out on Wikipedia, my favorite online source of information, and checked that it does have ties to America. I wouldn't go so far as to say that the information made me think it had a strong tie to America, but America is mentioned once or twice. If you want more information about this, you can visit the website to see for yourself:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philippines

I won't lie, though, that Americans are not well-renound for their traveling or knowledge of the world, especially from our part of the country. We're about as smart about the world as New Zealanders are about parts of the States other than LA or New York. Which isn't very smart.

This Monday at SPQR I waited on heaps of Americans, which put me in a great mood. I was chatting it up, being cheeky, having fun with all of them. I found one table of two California boys especially nice. Now, I never really try to guess where people are from, or even if they aren't from here, until they start asking me what things on the menu are ('What's capsicum? Rocket? Aioli?). These boys fit that bill, so I struck up the conversation with them about America. I told them where I was from, and found out the same from them. Then, one asked me, 'Tell me again roughly where in the States is Iowa?'

Oh boys. Really? DId you not have to learn the physical proximity of each and every state (spelled correctly) and it's capital (spelled correctly) in fourth grade, or was that just me?

For shame...

In another recent conversation with someone from home who needed some information about where I live, I got the following question:

'Is New Zealand part of the UK?'

Now, for anyone who might have wondered the same, but was too embarrassed to ask... New Zealand and the UK aren't even in the same hemisphere. So no, it is not part of the UK.

I still also have a couple of friends asking me how living Australia is going.

Again, two completely separate places.

Completely.

Moral of the story - get out and read some geography if you can. We live in a very, very wide world, and I've learned the more you know, the better off you are. It's all helpful information to know, for sure...

Girl Guide

(Girl Guide? Nice try, guys...)

-----------

So, I walk into school one day and there's a note on the board in the staff lounge:

'Girl Guide cookies - see Sharanee.'

And I thought, 'Girl Guide?'

?

And THEN I thought, 'OH! Like Girl SCOUT!'

(only not really)

Because after internally I laughed my rear off at the name 'Girl Guide' I went straight to Sharanee to get some 'Girl Guide' cookies. Because who could refuse?

But besides the fact that they're only NZ$2.80 a box (that's about US$1.80), they don't actually come in boxes. And there's only two flavors. Plain and chocolate-covered.

No wonder they only cost $2.80.

I got my packages today. I was not impressed.

They only come in two flavors. Plain and chocolate-covered. And they don't come in boxes. And the packaging isn't colorful.

So I put them in the lounge for the teachers to eat.

At least it was for a good cause. Guiding girls, I guess.

Then, I went home and laughed again, for a different reason, and this is why:
In New Zealand, joking names for islanders (Samoans, Tongans, Fijians, Nueans, etc..) are 'coconut' or 'darky'. My flatmate Doug, a Tongan, is a coconut. And a darky. But that's irrelevant. What is relevant is that Girl Scouts make a (really yummy) cookie called Samoas made with chocolate and coconut. And I think that's really funny.

Not as funny as Girl Guide cookies.

They only come in two flavors. Plain and chocolate-covered.

(nice try, guys...)

Taxes

I might move to New Zealand just so I don't have to do taxes.

My poor mother probably would think that's alright. She's been the one in the middle between my tax agent (Marlys) and myself, calling and e-mailing a few times a week with new questions back and forth between the two of us. Bless her soul...

In New Zealand, ALL pay is electronic. EVERY business is tracked by a general sales tax number through the Inland Revenue Department (IRD). EACH employee's weekly pay is credited directly to a bank account and is tracked by the IRD. Thus, the IRD is completely aware of how much you've made and if you're being over or under taxed. If you are, they'll replace or debit your personal bank account to compensate the gain/loss.

It's all connected, and it's a pretty impressive system.

Because of it, New Zealanders don't have to file tax returns. (nice, huh?)

I, though, will file one, as I believe I have been overtaxed throughout the year and am hoping for a refund. As a double employee and non-resident, it has been advised to me that over-taxation happens to people in my work bracket, so hopefully a big refund will ensue. We'll see how we go...

Tess and I were just remarking yesterday also how people don't write checks in New Zealand. I'm not even sure if a checkbook is something you can even get. I've NEVER had anyone pay at SPQR with a check. Ever.

Between that and the absence of 1 and 5 cent pieces (which is so, so great), this country has money figured out...

Pretty fly for a white girl?

Have you ever seen one of those movies where the main character really wants to do something that she's no good at? When she first starts she is really, really bad. Then, she works really hard and practices and practices, and by the end of the movie she's the hero? And the champion at whatever she didn't do well before?

I hate those movies.

But, I thought maybe I could be my own little butt-kicking hero with a happy ending when I started taking hip-hop classes.

Now I've decided otherwise. Not by choice, but by default.

My friend Aaron turned me on to the idea of dance class when he did it last term. He said 'It's a great way to break a sweat, meet cool people, and learn some moves.'

Break a sweat? Check.
Meet cool people? Check.
Learn some moves? Um....

I can Macarana like you wouldn't believe, and I love to go for a boogie on a floor of people, but this white girl can't dance hip-hop to save her life.

There are 20 people in this class with me. None are amazing at hip-hop. About 15 of them are former dancers, though, and have lots of grace in their movements. The other 5 have great memories and can remember each move through a routine.

I have neither grace nor memory.

I am just plain awful.

Do you see that girl in the middle who is standing when everyone else has shifted into a squat for the next move? Or the one who's going right when everyone else is going left? OR the strange, rigid, arthritic-looking one who is gracelessly meandering on the floor, one beat behind?

That girl? It's me.

I have no hope of bringing sexy back.

My poor instructor... he probably agrees.

Slanguage

Abbreviated words that Kiwis use (instead of the not-much-longer word):

mozzy (mosquitos)
prezzy (presents)
rellies (relatives)
rezzy (reservation)
preggers (pregnant)
flatty (flat mates)
chewy (gum)
cuppa (coffee or tea)
arvo (afternoon)
ruggers (rugby)
lippy (lip gloss)
brekky (breakfast)
trackies (sweat pants)
mezzy (mezzanine)
lappy (laptop)
nappy (diaper)
cuzzy (cousin)
pokies (poker)
chippy (fish 'n chips shops)

Words that Kiwis say that are more phonetically correct than us:

zebra
herb

Words that just look funny in print: (and come up wrong on spell check every time):

tyres
travelling
yoghurt
harbour
decafe (as in coffee)
favourite
colour

Julia

She's left!

She's moved out!

She took her husband and dog with her!

And yet, I am a bit sad... (barely a bit, but still a bit).

Yes, it's true. Julia has moved out. She's taken all of her possessions (most of the furniture, cooking ware, all of the silverware and plates, all major appliances...) and moved to her own place with her husband and dog (who have been living with us for the last month).

Flashback to one month ago: before we knew that Julia was deciding to leave, my flatties decided to move out and away from her (I was in Aussie at this time but was invited to join at their new place). They found a place just up the road and put down a deposit just before I returned. We were two days away from moving when Julia told us that she had bought a house. Instead of moving, we scrambled to drop the other house and stay in the one we're in. Our scrambling was successful, and we found that we were able to stay here with the lease transferred to Ian's name.

Now I still don't care for Julia, but I am not as glad to see her go as the rest of the crew. For starters, our dislike of her was a bond that brought the rest of us together. Also, the necessity for us to keep the house clean (because of her rules) was tolerable because we could complain about it and her. But it still got done. When she's gone, there's no telling how often this place will be cleaned (I don't live with the most motivated cleaners...).

But the thing that shocked me the most was the recent hour-long conversation I had with her in which she shared her insightful observations about all of the flatties with me. She told me what she thought about us all, about our personalities, and what kind of people we all are. Surprisingly, I think she hit the nail on the head. Her opinions of my flatties are similar to my own secret opinions based on observations. She also said that she trusted me second to Ian, and thought I was the strongest in the flat (when often I feel the opposite).

I think possibly, in a devilish kind of way, Julia is a lot more kind than we all thought, although even a couple of days after our heart-to-heart, I couldn't stand her again. And when she recently came and took the last of what she owned including the shelves in the bathroom, all of the drapes from all of the windows in the house, and the shades from the light fixtures in each of our rooms, I was really mad. (Luckily, though I was glad that I had thought ahead to pack my weighless, spaceless chinese lamp shade before coming to New Zealand - I knew that sucker would come in handy!).

If only her personality would have been a bit more tolerable and likable, we all would have gotten along much, much better.

So long Julia, good luck in your new place. Maybe invite us over for dinner (since we don't have a table, fridge, or flatware anymore)?

My restaurant

IS NOT a gay bar. Is not.

When Mom called this week and said 'So, are you working at the gay bar tonight?' I knew I needed to clarify.

Mom, it's not a gay bar.

"I think that's what everyone thinks!' she said.

Mom. It's not a gay bar.

'Even Gary thinks so' (puts hand over the phone) 'Don't you, Gare?' (confirmation from the background) 'Yeah, Gary too.'

Garyls! It's not a gay bar!

SPQR is THE bar. It's THE MOST happening place in Ponsonby. I love working there.

But it's not a gay bar.

The poshest of posh hang out there. It's been a busy hot spot on Ponsonby road since it opened more than 12 years ago.

But it's not a gay bar.

Maybe Nay Nay DOES wave at firetrucks (and the public transportation buses) when they go by.

But it's not a gay bar.

Many of our male customers prefer pink.
Many of our male customers wear nicer clothes than most men.
MANY of our male customers wear nicer clothes than most women.

Many of our male customers prefer, well... nevermind...

But it's not a gay bar.

Any questions?

Update

(for the moms and grandmas)

Teaching:
I am still teaching each day. I have upped my schools from two to six, and have relief work on a near daily basis.

One of my permanent jobs is a weekly relief position at Richmond Road (the original school I started at). I work for a teacher named Mareta while she has a release day each Thursday. She's got the babies, the new entrants, all five years old (like beginning kindergarten kiddos). The best part? Since it's the beginning of the year, there' s only 12 of the little (monsters) cherubs.

I am fortunate to work at very high decile (highly ranked) schools, but am still glad that I chose not to take a full time position, as the lack of consistency and coordination within them is enough to drive me mad! I am enjoying my work, though, and am learning from the (sometimes serious) challenges of each new day. Plus I am really keen on the flexibility that my job provides. I'm trying to look for some professional development courses, but the ones I am finding leave a lot to be desired. Too much money for not enough information...

My other job:
I was promoted to manager at SPQR for one of my shifts per week for a short period of time. After training for about two weeks (and doing well, I assure you), my other manager and I realized that it would be more beneficial to train someone who'd been around longer, who works more full time, and who will be around longer than I can guarantee I'll be. So, effectively, I was demoted as quickly as I was promoted. I liked doing it, but was a bit relieved when he told me that he was going to train someone else, as it's really hard to be a manager to others who've been working there for 5-6 years. So, I am still working one or two serving shift a week and doing cashier work as well, and am still getting a bit of a raise. Which helps with the raise in rent (see next line).

Living:
My flatting situation has moved from 5 to 4 people. Upon moving out, Julia has taken all but the house with her. She has taken all of the kitchen ware (and most of the kitchen), all of the furniture, my bed (back to the floor for me!) and the fridge. She has left one handle-less pot, a few pieces of cutlery, some dirty floor rugs and a dodgy couch (thanks, Julia). So although I once kicked myself for packing silverware, cheap plates and a frying pan when I came, I am now thinking that was a pretty smart idea. And I am only eating food that doesn't require refrigeration, which in this country, luckily includes eggs.

I have enrolled in a hip-hop dance class at the Auckland Centre of Performing Arts. It rocks my world. I can get the moves just fine, but I have just about as much grace as Bob Dole. Which is why I enrolled.

Future(?):
Most recently, I am waiting to hear back about a nanny job in Europe. I have applied for positions mostly in France, London and Greece. If a position comes through, I'll leave New Zealand within a few weeks of accepting it.

I am also still waiting to hear about teaching jobs overseas as well, although I am not sure that there are many that will suit me. Primary aged teachers in Europe seem to be quite happy with their jobs...

I have back-up plans in case neither plan happens, but we'll see how we go. I am quite happy where I am, so no need to stress either way.

Completely unrelated...:
Congrats to my teacher-friend Tamara who just got engaged to her long-lost, lifetime love. Woo hoo!

Yesterday I waited on Earl Spencer, Princess Di's brother. Which was more cool because of the fact that he is the uncle to Princes William and Harry...

Mary says

When Mary got home, she e-mailed me right away. It's interesting to see that the 'weirdness' goes backwards as well, and things we once found common at home are now unfamiliar and worth mentioning. Her e-mail from home follows:

---

"Things I did immediately upon getting to Union Square in San
Francisco...went into the Gap. You aren't missing much, but it is still way
better than Supre and Glassons. Then I ate an authentic, well sort of,
burrito at the food court! It was delicious!

Things I have noticed since arriving home about an hour and half ago:
there is too much water in the toilet bowl*, and it feels strange to
shower in a shower with a bathtub**.

I have caught myself getting ready to say "flash," and I have
repeatedly said "no worries" and "I'll see how I go."

I was nervous about maybe not remembering how to drive, but when I
drove to Gigi's for lunch on Tuesday, it was completely second nature!

I asked my dad if he'd ever heard of vegemite, and he said yes, but
he's never tried it.

When I plug something in to the outlet, I keep reaching to flip on the
switch (but, it is nonexistent, of course!).***

My parents have 5 huge jars of mild salsa in their pantry...my dad eats
it on everything...I forgot how much I missed salsa..."

----

*in New Zealand there is about 1-2 cups of water in each toilet bowl
**90% of showers here are square, 3x3 showers
***EVERY light switch here has a toggle switch to turn the current on, and it is common practice to always have the electricity off unless the outlet is in use.

Mary

When I decided to come to New Zealand, I knew Mary would be very excited. I never thought she would want to really actually come with though.

Her exact words were:

"Wendy! I'm coming with you, and I am NOT joking".

She wasn't...

Although it took a little push and pull, but she made the decision to expand her worldly experiences by spending a few months overseas.

But now it's Mary's time to leave.

(sad, but true)

I think Mary, like myself, has grown a lot since coming. I know she'll return to the States with a renewed sense of self and the confidence to do anything she wants, including things she might not have done previously. All because she can say she took a step and made the biggest decision of her life work out splendidly.

While here, our agendas were a bit different. Although more traveling would have been ideal, a little less leaves something for the reunion tour, right?

Mary has been a rock for me here. I have so enjoyed calling on her for lunch a couple of times each week, and she is a brilliant travel partner. Our differences allow us to be together well, as she is calm, collected, and organized, where I am not (at all). We've seen a lot, done a lot, and been through a lot, which will always be a huge part of our friendship, a part that others will never be able to understand.

(Besides, she can also say she was the official friend who was with me when I got my first tattoo...)

So Mary, I wish you the best. I hope that the explanation of all that you've seen and done does justice to the experience you actually had, even though you know it never will. But in me you'll have a friend who can always laugh at that funny joke about Canadians and hockey or your use of the term 'snow monkeys'.

Needless to say, you'll be sorely missed. Good bye and good luck Miss Mare...

Three (7) squares a day

When I come back to the States, this is what I am going to eat during the first day:

For breakfast:
three large, warm Cinnabons and two bowls of Lucky Charms

Morning snack:
16 rice krispie snacks from Java Joe's and a large bowl of italian tomato salad from Palmer's

Lunch:
a hot dog with ketchup, mustard, and pickle relish and nachos with orange nacho cheese

Afternoon snack:
bacon, bacon and bacon with a side of Velveeta Shells and Cheese (one box should be enough)

Dinner:
Olive Garden (one of everything on the menu plus 80% of my body weight in breadsticks and 20% in salad)

Dessert:
fried ice cream (two servings)

Evening treat:
grandpa's homemade ice cream

(And this is all just day one. On day two I'll start on 7 boxes of Pizza Hut breadsticks with maranara and a sugar-free raspberry lemonade icee from Target...)

ps - Don't take it personally that taco casserole didn't make my list, Mom...

Who wins?

Australia v. New Zealand

Best accent: Aussie (hands down)

Cuter boys: Aussie (hands down)

More things to do: Aussie

Cheapest: Aussie

Best cafes: New Zealand

Best mussels: New Zealand

Best city: Sydney (hands down)

Best landscape: tie

Better national anthem: New Zealand

Most beautiful overall: New Zealand

Funnier looking money: tie

Better weather: New Zealand

Best drivers: Australia

Best grammar: neither

Best rugby: NEW ZEALAND (hands down)

Best cricket: who cares?

Which am I most likely to visit on my reunion tour: New Zealand for the memories, Australia for all that I haven't seen...

Overall winner: is in the head of the writer (which will stay private, thank you very much...)

Done and done

And back to reality.

Our Aussie tour ends today.

Being on a Contiki tour allowed me to be devoid of any responsibility whatsoever. I didn't expect that upon booking, but was appreciative of it while I was there.

Each day we were told where to be and when to be there, where we could and couldn't eat, and what was or wasn't included. Buses picked us up and dropped us off at every stop. Our hotels and most meals were arranged. I really had to sit back and enjoy. Plus, being with 45 others who are in the same place in their lives as you was a treat as well.

During my last few days I spent time deep-sea diving in the Great Barrier Reef (which cost a fortune but was worth it), hiked and slept in the Australian rainforest (did you know Australia even had a rainforest? see picture above), and saw the only place in the world where two natural ecosystems (the reef and the rainforest) come together.

And then I said goodbye and went home.

Back to reality.

(and bills) :(

So much to do!

I LOVE Australia!

Since last time, I have met up with my tour group and started my trip up the east coast of Australia.

It is worth mentioning that this tour group makes the trip amazing. 45 others, just like me, who want to see Australia.

Since leaving Sydney I've seen incredible sights including the sun rising over the Pacific, held a koala, and today I became a surfer. I even got up for about 7 seconds on my last run. It was amazing.

Unfortunately, the trip is nearly devoid of good-looking blokes, as there are only 12 to the 30 sheilas on board. There are a couple, though...

We're partying like rock stars each night. Last night we went to the worst club as part of our whole group. Needless to say, two of my new, bestest girl friends and I took the party elsewhere, to a bar where there was noone. Before we knew it, the place was jamming, and we were to blame. :)

Oh. And did I mention that I now own TWO pairs of skinny jeans?

I pretty much feel like I'm 20 again. Which is ok.

(no, actually it's great...)

Things I know

1. I love to jaywalk.

2. Sydney is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL and amazing city I've ever been to. Ever.

(And I'm not usually impressed that easily.)

I want to come back very, very soon.

Maybe for a long, long time...

Lauren and Simon

Traveling is all about connections.

In my adventures so far, I have met the most amazing people who live all over the world. And I have met people who know people who live all over the world, so that even if I don't know them, my friends do. Like friends of a friend of a friend.

But it's still all about connections.

In Melbourne, Mary and I have been set up with Lauren and her husband Simon through my connection with Tera, my bestest Florida friend, who I know through traveling to Maine.

Lauren is an ex-pat from Merrett Island, Florida, where Tera is from too. Lauren headed to Australia for a holiday about three years ago and met her husband, Simon. They've been married since not too long after she arrived (good on you, Lauren!).

I got in touch with Lauren once we finalized our plans for coming to Melbourne, and she offered to take us around for some shopping. For her occupation, Lauren buys incredible clothes at cheap prices and re-sells them on Ebay. She is also looking into designing her own label very soon. She knows her shopping. So on Monday, she took us to her favorite part of town for shopping and we had a ball.

That evening, we met up with her and Simon for dinner. They took us to the most INCREDIBLE Italian restaurant for dinner. Best pizza I've ever had. The wine was incredible too - they sell it in a litre carafe for $12. We each had our own pizza and shared a litre and a half of red wine for less than $60AU (about $50US). Then we had the best gelati ever, and went to a bar to sit on comfy vintage couches while drinking (more) red wine and listening to Michael Jackson.

Simon and Lauren were great hosts, and it was a night I'll never forget.

Now, the moral of this story is that traveling is all about connections. Had we not met up with Lauren and Simon (through Tera, bless you...) my (as I can't speak for Mary) personal experience in Melbourne would have been mediocre. We would have walked around the city and seen the sights that we could on limited budget, transportation, and time. But instead, we could easily come back to Melbourne again with a new sense of understanding of more of the city because of the generosity of new friends.

Friends who, through connections, might someday have a place to stay with me, wherever I may be...

The land of OZ

(really, though, I am not sure how they got Oz out of Australia, but I've learned not to question these kinds of things...)

In Aussie, safe and sound.

The two words I'd use to describe Australia on first sight: big and brown.

New Zealand: vegetative. Australia: dry and dead.

Hot too. I prefer temperatures between 20-25(C), tomorrow it's supposed to be 39.

The hotel we're staying in is a bit dodgy, but they do have A/C, which I haven't seen since leaving America. In fact, to me, A/C in New Zealand means 'always cold.' But seeing a heating/cooling unit makes me feel a bit more civilized again.

This girl was like a giddy child once she had her Australian Open tickets in hand. I haven't squealed that much since, well... that's none of your business. But it's been awhile.

Oh, and no streets in Australia are named after Martin Luther King Jr. But happy MLK Jr. day anyway?

Enough about me!

Since I've been gone...

my dad got a new job (and now he has more than my mom and I, if that's possible...).

my little sister Sara got a rabbit.

my little brother Sam has gotten so tall!

Nikki has kept on keeping on in her (incredibly challenging) classroom (Go Nik!).

Tera and Zach just bought a FLASH new bed and celebrated a Gator win in the BCS.

my grandparents have migrated to Tucson once again.

my mom decided she wanted to live forever...

Kelli and Justin had a baby! Welcome, Corbin! (see picture above).

Jess and Ty had a baby too! Welcome Ella (and hello to big sister Addie).

the MOs have moved.

the Elders have stayed right where they are.

my brother Tyler started high school this fall!

my friend Jen has happily rekindled an old romance (and consequently has been opening up to her more conservative side...).

my 88-year old great grandmother tried to send me orange salad for Christmas (but customs ate it)!

Auntie Barb has officially given my portion of the beneficiary money to my cousin Ruby.

Grandpa and Marvel have continued charitable work for children.

Don and Jean became grandparents (congratulations!).

Jen and Pete went to London and back.

my friend Ben and I talk more.

my teacher friends and I talk less (I miss you guys!). :(

Dad and Lisa are celebrating their 11th year together!

my cousin Ryan moved all the way across the country.

my cousin Adam has stayed right where he is (good on you, Adam!)

--------------

So, go on... Live your lives! Keep on keepin' on!

(just keep me posted?)

Hawks RULE

True story:

While out shopping yesterday I went to a very cool vintage store that I frequent quite often. The FIRST thing I spotted on sale was an old vintage Iowa State University hat (which made me squeal with delight, literally, out loud). This thing was probably circa 1983. And I wondered who went all the way to America in 1983 to buy an Iowa State University hat only to give it to a vintage shop 23 years later.

And then I thought, 'Well, anyone. Who wants an Iowa State University hat?'

The best week?

And as if Polynesian mass wasn't great enough...

It started the Tuesday night after Christmas when I went to the Western Springs speedway just up the road from my house with my flatmate Ian and his buddy (our buddy) Anton. Anton is a cool, cool guy that I've known since I moved in, and he's really fun to hang out with. Anton's cousin was one of the racers, and it was so cool to be there to cheer him on. There were some incredible American racers too, which was fun for me to cheer for. But the coolest part was when Anton said to Ian, "There's Scott's parents" and by Scott's parents he really meant Scott Dixon, the Indy car racer who came in third this year at the 500 (which I was at). He's a Kiwi and one of Anton's good friends. By the end of the night I had actually spoken to them. Which was the coolest. Because I cheered for that Kiwi at the Indy this year...

The next day I met one of Ian and Anton's other friends, Norm. Norm owns a gym here in Auckland and is a pretty damn cool. He knows about everyone in the city, and is very fun to hang out with. He and Anton ride Harleys. Very cool Harleys. They wanted to take Sheen and I on the Harleys, to which we politely obliged. We got to take an hour long ride through Auckland, over the Harbor Bridge, and along the coast line on the back of Anton and Norm's very, very cool Harley bikes. It was breathtaking and amazing fun. Sheena's biker name is Doris. I liked Dorothy, but decided on Gladys instead.

On Saturday before New Years I ate at Orbit restaurant which is on the top level of the Sky Tower. The restaurant rotates, and the 360 view of Auckland as the sun went down was more incredible than I could imagine. I went with Ian's other really cool friend Hamish and his two (very fun) American friends Marty and Sarah, who were in on holiday. We spoke Yankee for a whole night and it was glorious.

New Year's Eve was fabulous. I had to work that night (as someone had to be responsible for feeding and fueling the flash and posh of Ponsonby). But the atmosphere at the restaurant was incredible, and I was so glad that I was there. At midnight, I kissed all of my gay coworkers and I slipped out to catch the fireworks that go off at the Skytower, as SPQR has a fine panoramic view of the city downtown. It was magical. Then, I drank and drank and drank (success) and tried to serve drinks (I failed) and danced and danced with customers (success!). But, even better than that, was the really good looking Kiwi guy who asked me for my phone number...

The week after New Years, Norm was house-sitting for the man who owns the gym that he owns. He invited us (me, my three flatties, Anton, and another friend Troy) over to play tennis on the private courts and swim in the private pool all week. We politely obliged. We played tennis all week at the oldest, most beautiful, gigantic, flash house I have ever seen (imagine an 1860's, deep south plantation home). We had spas in the hot tub, followed by dips in the pool, and terrific bbqs with fish and steak. Norm was an incredible host to all of us (and will be receiving a bottle of very expensive champagne from me for his efforts).

To end the week, Friday the 5th was the opening night for the Cirque de Soliel show, Varekai, in Auckland. Sheena and I got last-minute (and I mean LAST MINUTE) tickets that we bought from Norm, who mentioned he had extras from his gym. But what was cooler is that he had tickets to the cast after party as well. So Norm, his friend Adam, Sheena and I all hob-knobbed (well, Sheena and I stood around and gawked, Norm knew everyone) with some of Auckland's finest, about 1000 of them, and the performers after the show. It was a rockin' late-night party that I'll never forget (thanks to the one blurry picture of Sheena and I that turned out, see above).

But as all good things do, the awesomeness had to come to an end. All of my flatties are back to work this week, and I am back to researching jobs online. It's raining everyday in Auckland, and life has gone on as usual. But two weeks of amazing times I will never forget put a big smile on my face each night as I go to bed...

Pissed off

I'm grumpy today.

It's raining.

And you'd think I'd be happy that I am not working.

But I'm bored.

And you'd think I'd be happy because my FBI background check came back.

But I'm not.

Because after 17 weeks of waiting, I received the same fingerprint card that I sent in. Only it was stamped 'No arrest record' on the back.

Well DUH.

17 weeks for that?

Federal Bureau of Idiots.

Aussie Holiday

For my Auntie, who wants an itinerary for my trip to Australia

(and we always listens to our Auntie)...

Sunday, 14 Jan - Leave AKL 8:30 a.m., Arrive MEL 10:20 a.m.

Spend time in Melbourne shopping, enjoying the sights, out in the nightlife, and catching up with new friends...

Tuesday, 16 Jan - Attend Australian open in Melbourne

Wednesday, 17 Jan - Leave MEL 9:30 a.m., Arrive SYD 10:50 a.m.

**Spend time with my FAVORITE SPQR gay waiter, Aaron, who happens to be (incredibly HOT) living in Sydney to persue his acting career...

Thursday, 18 Jan - Begin tour of East coast of Australia with the Contiki tour group. For a detailed, day-by-day account of where we'll be and what we'll be doing, click here:

http://www.contiki.com/en-NZ/Tours/Australia/Beaches.and.Reefs/Itinerary.htm

Fri, 2 Feb - Leave Cairns 11 p.m., ARRIVE AKL 6:45 a.m. on Sat, 3 Feb.

The New Year

Hmm... let's see what it brings.

Do you remember when you were in college and people would ask you 'What are you going to do when you graduate?" And if you were like me, you were really annoyed at that question because you really didn't know for sure.

Sometimes I feel like that here as well. At home, at work, with friends...
"So, how long have you been here?" (Although I do know the answer to that question...)
"How long are you staying?"
"Do you like it here?" (A pretty broad question)
"What are you going go to do next?

And I know that many of you don't know what I am going to do because I haven't told you yet. So, in case you are wondering what my new year will bring, it's a matter of choice.

As I mentioned before, I am not going to stay for whole year of teaching.

In the past three months I have been offered two jobs through my hiring agency and have been informally encouraged to apply for an open position by the principal at Richmond Road for the 2007 year. For me, though, teaching here for a year is something that I have a hard time committing to. It's just not the right fit for me, and especially not right now. Each day I teach makes me excited to teach in a full classroom again. Just not here, and just not right now.

I looked into staying through one term of full-time teaching this year (commencing in February 2007 and lasting 10 weeks) so that I could immerse myself in a full classroom and have the experience of learning the curriculum, but every job I applied for (33) needed long-term relievers for the entire year, not one term.

I have applied (and am continuing to apply) for teaching jobs in Europe which will start next fall. I have registered my name and information with two highly recommended overseas teacher staffing services. I have also directly applied to schools including The American School in London and The American School in Switzerland. And although I haven't yet, I am seriously considering applying at some American schools (in America) for more unique experiences closer to home. Either way, my current overseas experience paired with two years of classroom work and excellent recommendations (thanks Wendy, Tamara, and Randy!) make me feel very qualified and confident for any job I apply for.

Because I'll have about 7 months to continue to apply and prepare for a teaching job, I have the opportunity and time to leave for a few months to try something else abroad. So, just for fun and giggles, I have applied with Imperial Nannies, which is a high-profile company out of England that places nannies with families all over the world. Again, highly qualified and available immediately, and it pays EXTREMELY well. The only downfall is that I'd only be available for about 5-6 months, which might be too short of a time to suit many families.

Now, in the past, I would have called and called and called the nanny service to find out the status of my file, and would be trying to work my way into a family with the utmost urgency. But this time, I'm sitting back. To be honest, completely honest, I LOVE living in Auckland right now. I'm not going to sweat staying in New Zealand for the next few months, and I would actually welcome the opportunity to do that as much as I would to leave and see more of the world. I LOVE relieving, as the money and experiences are GREAT, and I know I'll have plenty of work on a daily basis. I love, love, love my flatties and my house, I'm making incredible friends and connections, and doing the most amazing things that I could have never dreamed of.

I feel very fortunate that EITHER staying or leaving is going to be a win-win, excellent opportunity for me to have amazing personal experiences as well as the chance to learn and grow professionally in educational, child-filled settings. Because don't both support my entire reason for coming this far in the first place?

New year, schmew year. Bring it on.

A Kiwi Christmas

Christmas here is weird. Er, I mean different...

For starters, it's warm.

Nobody puts lights on their houses.

TV programming has NO commercials (on any station - it's not allowed).

They set fire to the christmas pudding.

When you sit down at the table your plate has a Christmas cracker (not an eating cracker, but a toy cracker present). Before eating, everyone joins hands and pops thier Christmas cracker to reveal a surprise inside. Mine had glue, which I traded for Damien's tweezers.

Boxing Day (the 26th) is a 'national statutory holiday', meaning that everyone doesn't work. And if you do, you get paid extra. Because it's a national statutory holiday.

Oh, and I think the queen needs a new stylist. During this year's Christmas message, she was wearing a lime green suit.

Happy Easter.

Merry Christmas to all of my friends and family!

I truly, truly hope you are all enjoying every minute
of the food, festivities, and family.

I am spending the holiday with Mary at her home. We
cooked dinner and caught up last night on Christmas
Eve, and today on Christmas day we're going to treat
ourselves to Season 3 of Grey's Anatomy, which I have
downloaded on my laptop. God bless I-tunes.

When Christmas Eve turned into Christmas in New Zealand, Mary and I were at mass like good little
girls. It was great. Not great in a spiritual way,
but in a way that one can only experience when being
exposed to new cultures.

Let's just say that if you really want to be serious
about the reason for the season, don't go to Christmas
Eve mass in New Zealand with Mary and I. It turns out
that we can't help ourselves when we're in situations
that make us laugh uncontrollably.

Mass was great. Full of memorable moments...

My favorite part wasn't when we walked in as two of
the only 12 white people in the place. It was a
variable Polynesian party with elaborate dress. Note
to self: next year, don't wear jeans to the Polynesian
party...

My favorite part wasn't the odd spelling of the night:
nowell. Which sounds phonetically correct, but looks
odd on the big projector. Nowell, nowell, nowell,
nowell, born is the king of Israel.

My favorite part of the night definitely wasn't when
they sang Away in a Manger, as the words were right,
but the song was wrong. We almost took the mic and
tried on our own, except if you've seen the genetic
size of a Polynesian, you'd understand why we chose
otherwise.

My favorite part of the night wasn't even the priest,
who was at least 137 years old. We had trouble
understanding him, and thought maybe his mouth was
full of cotton or he had drunk too much communion wine
earlier in the day. Nor did we find relevance in most
of what he was saying. This next part was (NO JOKE)
part of the homily, and worth repeating as best as I
can remember (and if you don't believe me, please,
please confirm with Mary...):
"...I know many of you are reminded of the old
American story. [long pause] Once there was a drunk
man and a little boy. They were both at a restaurant.
[pause] The little boy couldn't stop staring at the
man, which was an embarrassment to his parents. He
was drawn to the [pause] flotsam and jetsam of this
[long pause] human existence. [pause] That's what
it's like between us and Jesus, as we are drawn to
him..."
And as I turned to Mary and said "did he just compare
Jesus to a drunk?" she was already looking at me with
disbelief.

My FAVORITE part was the at beginning.

After walking in to 'O Come All Ye Faithful' the
priest took a large breath and said (with many
pauses), "May the grace of the Lord be with you. We
welcome you on this glorious Easter morning..."

Merry Christmas.

The last few days...

As the end of the NZ school year drew to a close this week, I cherished my final moments in the schools. And because each moment is such a fun experience, I want to share it with people who can identify what I am doing, and how I'm doing it.

Tuesday 12 December:
Receive the following text (yes, text, on my cell phone). 'W - can you work for Mareta tomorrow? -D' (where W = Wendy, Mareta = Y1 teacher at Richmond Road, and D = Donal, the deputy principal here). I replied that I would be glad to. This is how Donal and I communicate for EVERY relief job I do. Via text message.

Wednesday 13 December:
Show up at Richmond Road early (like I always do). While resting in the lounge before starting, I speak with Di, the teacher who will be in the room next to me, and I casually say, 'Di! Wanna watch a movie this afternoon?' Di agrees, and it's a plan. Except, just then, Mareta shows up. And I'm supposed to be Mareta. (Flashback to one week earlier when Donal asked me to relieve for Mareta and when I showed up, Mareta was already here). Deja-vu. Fortunately, though, Di isn't feeling well and opts to go home so that I can stay. But before she leaves, she hands me two worksheets to fill the first and second blocks. Cool. A little later I casually say to Mareta that I had mentioned to Di about watching a movie in the afternoon, and Mareta replied (no joke) 'Yeah! Of course! We watch movies every afternoon for the last two weeks of school.' I find out that they have watched The Lion King and The Sound of Music, as well as many Warner Brothers cartoon DVDs. ('Copyright law? What's a copyright law?)

Thursday 14 December:
Di is keen knowing that I need some extra cash, and was willing to stay home sick an extra day, so I was her again. There was supposed to be an assembly for the first block and then the students and I were to play Chritsmas bingo for the second block, followed by a movie (shocker) in the afternoon. (I rented the Grinch). But instead, the assembly took 3 hours instead of 1.5. It was the Year 6 graduation, and all four ropu (sections), French, Maori, Samoan, and Mainstream had dances and songs planned. Luckily, the assembly was broken up in the middle by morning tea, but as you can imagine, the kids (and I) were really bored after the first hour of the first block. So, the assembly was rough, trying to keep kids seated and quiet, and I being one of the only teachers trying to do so (shocker).
To make the morning even, err... more interesting, the third ropu of year 6 students had one student who was so emotional about graduation that she started crying. Not to be overdone, the next student cried, and then every student afterward. The effect was contagious, and within 5 minutes most of the school was in tears. It was dramatic and very over the top, and annoying after about 5 minutes. So, when I got all of my kids back to the room, 63% of them were crying. For no reason. Arrgh.
We never got to Christmas bingo, but we sure as heck watched The Grinch!

Wednesday 20 December:
I head to school on this morning because it's was last day of term. I haven't relieved at all this week, with it being the last three days, but I wanted to thank the kiddos for all of the learning they have allowed me to do while teaching them. Plus, I need to pick up The Grinch to return to the video store. When I arrive, my ropu of kiddos are in an assembly. I didn't realize that it was a half-day, and so coming at 12 I missed my opportunity to speak to the kids all together, as they left immediately after the assembly. I still got plenty of hugs, though, which was nice. I was also able to say goodbye to my favorite teaching friends, who I'll likely see again in February. Plus, the principal, who recently informally asked me to stay around and teach full-time next year, offered me a part-time position for as many months as I want (as she knows I have no intention of staying for a year) in February if I'm still around.

But the shocker was the presents that the parents brought the kids. It was almost seemingly mandatory to bring the teacher something. And the number one gift? Bottles and bottles and bottles of wine. Which was promptly opened once the kids were gone. Maybe even a bit before...

It's vacation time!

Odd facts from abroad

1.
If you're a Pulp Fiction fan, you'll be glad to know, that in spite of the use of the metric system in this country, a quarter pounder with cheese is still called a quarter pounder with cheese. Although, in the famous words of John Travolta, I am not sure many people realize what a quarter pounder really is. Technically they should call it a 'tenth of a kilogramer'

2.
Have you ever received one of those e-mails that has odd facts about the world? Well, in alignment with popular myth, toilets in the southern hemisphere DO flush the opposite direction. I remember checking on that promptly upon arrival in Fiji.
Also, the toilet bowl itself is nearly empty. Not like in the states. Here, there's a cup, maybe two, of water in the bottom. I guess water conservation or something like that? When I mentioned the difference to Diane, she replied, "Yeah, your toilets in the States are like swimming pools!" She's seriously right.
Lastly, the toilet itself has two buttons to flush. One is a continuous flush, and when pushed, will flush as long as you're holding it down. The other is a regular flush. Kiwis are apparently serious about their waste removal choices.

3.
As you've heard me say before, shoes are not required most places around here. I am inferring that it's kind of a trend from Maori culture, in which you are not allowed to enter a Maori residence with your shoes on. But Maori and whites alike tend to walk anywhere and everywhere without shoes. Now, most people wear shoes, this isn't an uncivilized country or anything, but it never fails that when I am at Foodtown, there is ALWAYS someone without shoes just walking around. And many of the kids at school never came with shoes. It's just perfectly acceptable. And perfectly disgusting. Like the other day when I was at the food court at the mall and people weren't wearing shoes. Uh, hello! That's not ok.

4.
Instead of saying 'How are you doing?' people say 'How are you going?', to which I always want to say, 'On foot,' or 'By catching the bus.' Because isn't that really what they're asking?

5.
They don't have Jell-o. Well, they do, but they call it Jelly.
Bacon here is actually ham. Real bacon is labeled 'streaky bacon' at the store (at first, I thought Ian was being a jerk by calling American bacon 'streaky').

6.
Kiwi pronunciation of the year: aluminum
American: uh-LOO-min-um
New Zealand: al-you-MIN-ee-yum

And when someone says gare-aj they are really trying to say garage.

7.
When I want to make the guy at the food shop mad, I say I'll have my food 'to-go' instead of take-away. Or I ask for my coffee with 'skim' instead of 'trim'. They've got no clue what I'm saying, and I laugh secretly to myself as I exit...

Teaching a cultural lesson

I've shared with you how I love doing the 3 comment / 2 question letter with kiddos whenever I can. It's now a staple in my day with kids 9 and older. I've done it 5 times, and I am starting to be able to predict the questions that the kids will have.

it is interesting how the questions and comments vary from the kids aged 9 to the kids aged 11. I had the 11 year olds (Year 6, we'd call the 5th graders) this week, and my lesson went according to plan. Their letters were VERY well written (I only asked for 5 sentences, for God's sake, they better have been written well). They were very interesting to read, more interesting than the younger kids' were. They had good grammar and thoughtful insights. Mostly.

Kids at this age have a natural tendency to want to be funny. Or repeat what they've heard without understanding why. It's how they learn about the world. Often they listen to it from their parents, then try it out their opinions on their friends (or substitute teachers) to cull out what is real and what is not. Unfortunately, though, they can be a bit offensive, insensitive, and opinionated about things in which they have little conceptual understanding.

So today, instead of sharing the lists of comments and questions, I'd instead like to share a few answers I shared to the questions they asked in their letters, and how I was (hopefully) able to change a few opinions.

1. "No. To be honest, I really don't care for President Bush. I did not vote for him, and I wouldn't vote for him. But, I have to respect him as my leader, because he has a really big job to do. It's very much how many of your parents do not agree with Helen Clark or many of the things she does, but they still have to respect her, as she is the Prime Minister. Really, no politician EVER has 100% of public support, and he/she has to do the best job possible, usually against all odds and opinions. So please keep that in mind before you speak poorly of a public official, of any country, in the future."

2. 'John, I know you were trying to be funny when you used the word 'kamakazied' to describe the fall of the Twin Towers, but I want you to really think about that. Many thousands of people died when the Twin Towers fell, and I doubt that any of their families would consider kamakazie to be an appropriate word for the destruction of buildings and lives that took place. I was not personally affected by the event, but as an American, or as a human for that matter, I was hurt that people would ever think taking down two buildings full of innocent people would be the answer to a solution, and I think the event deserves a little more of your respect than using the word 'kamakazie.' Please be more considerate in the future."

3. "Alice, you are very opinionated, and I respect that from you. I think it's interesting that you wrote 'I don't think it's America's fault, I think it's George Bush's fault.' You seem to be very knowledgeable about the world and what is going on. But I would say to you that in every case, when a big country goes in to help a smaller country, their intentions are always the best. But, that role of helper is a complicated one, and your efforts do not always go as planned. Nobody, not even George Bush, wants lives to be lost, but at the cost of winning something greater, and potentially making the world a better place, a good try is necessary. Thank you for your thinking, though, you obviously are a well thought out individual. Nice work."

4. "Yes! I DO love Reese's Pieces!"

5. "Felix, I am barely going to waste my breath on your paper. Your fast food restaurants in New Zealand have picture menus on them. It has NOTHING to do with how stupid people are. It has to do with advertising and marketing, and helps people who speak different languages understand what they might be looking for. And to be honest, I have been in Auckland long enough to see that there are just as many obese people here, probably more. The only reason it seems like Americans are fatter is because there are more of us to fill that role. But I see heaps of children each day after schools at the dairy and chippie shops buying lollies and pies to eat as an after school snack, which is NOT something that happens in America. Please think more carefully about your own environment before you try to be the joker and offend mine." (In response to the following comment: 'In America there are lots of big, fat people and the menus for some fast food places have pictures because heaps of people are stupid and cant read. And George Bush is stupid and will blow up the world...')

6. "No, we don't paint the inside of ketchup bottles red so that people think they're full all of the time (laughing). But we do have 57 varieties of Heinz ketchup. Can you beat that?"

My favorite line of the day:
My sister wants to go to America because she says she wants to meet Avril Lavigne. I think even if she did go there she probably wouldn't know where Avril Lavigne was.

Please tell me I'm making a difference here?

The Gay-mobile

(but don't tell Christian I called it that...)

He (Christian) is one of my favorite friends at work. He's cute, Danish, and gay (obviously, right?). He has the most adorable little accent, and he is a cutie-patootie.

Christian drives a little 'Barbie' car. It's a little red convertible, tiny, cute, gay. Perfect for the likes of Christian. His partner bought it for him, so if you can imagine Christian being the 'trophy wife' for his partner, you can imagine the car. Only, in a tribute to an old friend, I call it the 'Micro Machine' instead. (The car answers to both). It's pretty cool.

Christian headed to London a few weeks ago. As we were working together one night right before he left I said, "Christian, are you going to miss the Barbie car?"

Christian (in his cute, gay, Danish voice) replied,"Oh Wendy, why don't you drive it while I'm gone? Last time I went away for three weeks it wouldn't start when I returned."

So I drove the gay-mobile, Micro Machine, Barbie car for three weeks.

Now, with experience I can FINALLY say that driving on the left side of the road is not only not right... it's wrong. I haven't crashed yet (although I have hit a few curbs), but it's hard to adjust to driving on the wrong side of the car AND road. I always reach to the wrong side for my seatbelt. Plus, the turn signal and windshield wiper switches are switched, so I am always cleaning the windshield when I want to turn left.

My tip for new drivers: just watch the car in front of you and hope they're going to the same place as you want to go.

But it's safe to say that I am now, finally a New Zealand driver.

Thanks, Christian.

A day in the life...

...of an American teacher in New Zealand.

I teach, mostly every day, and I work as a waitress at night. It's nothing new. It's a busy job to do both, and very tiring, but I do get to see and do a lot because of my work. So, all and all, I don't mind.

I LOVE relieving. I mean I LOVE it. I can't think of a better way to be exposed to heaps of different schools, classrooms, and learning styles, all while challenging myself in the effort to find my way through a day full of kids who are completely different than I am. The pay is INCREDIBLE (better than in the States, even after the exchange rate), and the hours are flexible. I can take a day off whenever I want (which I never actually do).

Teaching itself is different here, for sure. After four weeks of relieving on and off on a near-daily basis, here are my initial impressions:

*Schools, and the kids in them, are (surprise!) very laid back. The kids' lack of discipline is a compliment to the parenting style of a laid back society. And for Miss Foreman, control freak extraordinaire, some days get pretty rough (learning, learning learning...).

*Speaking of... I have yet to be called Miss Foreman in any classroom. It's straight up Wendy each day.

*Kids don't have to wear shoes and that's o.k. (shocker, right?).

*Class sizes are far too large (but I guess that's nothing new either).

*The teacher's lounges are all equipped with a 3X2 box of boiling hot water mounted to the wall for morning tea time. Also, mugs, spoons, milk, tea, coffee, hot chocolate, and often biscuits are provided as well. Daily. At all times.

*Kids in some schools are moved around and shifted to different grades during the year. This is part of the domino effect of making room for the new 5 year-olds in the Year 1 rooms who start on the day they turn 5.

*It's o.k. for children to say the following words out loud: damn, damn it, damned, and hell.

*When the bell rings for playtime to end, teachers usually sit for 4 or 5 (sometimes up to 10) more minutes in the lounge while students line up outside.

*Schools don't use textbooks. Teachers have curriculum guides with links for activities, but most of the lessons come from the teacher and other resources (researched by teachers). So it's a much more involved process for teachers, and more work as well, in my opinion.

*Kids don't go elsewhere for special classes. There's no art teacher, no PE teacher, no media teacher, and no music teacher. It's all taught in the classroom, by the classroom teacher.

*The school day is only 6 hours long, with only 4 hours of actual teaching. The other 2 hours is spent at lunch, play, morning tea, roll taking, or daily fitness.

*Teachers don't generally leave lesson plans for relievers. One day, my lesson plan said 'Have a great day!'

Each day I take a set of lessons to each classroom. I have books from the library paired with activities for all grades. I am a lesson recycler, and have actually been teaching for the last two months with a recycled set of about 15 lessons. It's amazing what you can do with chalk, m&m's, and the American flag. Again and again and again.

Even trickier still is the fact that Richmond Road has four units of students. One unit speaks and learns in French, one in Maori, one in Samoan, and one in English. I have had a chance to work with all age levels in all of the units. Although I sometimes don't agree with the teaching practices and philosophies in these units, it has been amazing to work so closely with such unique cultures. And I can now say hello in two new languages that most people don't know.

I am very fortunate to have the opportunity to be needed almost daily in the same school as I get to know the kids, the teachers, and the routines (which is nice when nobody tells you what in the world is going on). And, since my school is in my neighborhood, I even get kiddos at the store who are able to say hello and call me by name. Which is almost like being at home at a Warrior game. Except without the football and all.

Now, having said all of that, I have a confession to make...

I have made a decision not to teach for a full year in New Zealand as I had originally expected.

But you'll have to wait until another e-mail for more details on that.

Well, I've gotta go. The bell to end playtime rang 8 minutes ago, and I still need to make a cup of coffee before heading to class. There's a line of teachers at the water box, so I've got to get my place...

Thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving.

(from the future)

By the time you read this, it will be Friday where I am. Thanksgiving will have come and gone, and Mary and I will be on our way to the Bay of Islands for a weekend trip.

So I am post-scripting this to yesterday (Thursday), when Mary and I slaved away over a hot stove to make a Thanksgiving feast for the New Zealand record books.

Now, since they don't celebrate Thanksgiving in New Zealand (duh for all of you who asked...), we had a bit of a tough time finding the ingredients we needed.

That, my friends, is why it is handy that we have become queens of improvisation. Sometimes, as you'll learn here, you've just gotta make due...

1. First of all, no yams. Mary bought Kumera (a local white sweet potato, though while delicious, isn't tradition on Thanksgiving) instead. I said, 'no yams, no thanks,' and made mashed potatoes instead.

2. We luckily found American-style cranberry sauce. (Labeled: Made in Australia). We added oranges and it tasted almost as good as Marvel's dish. Almost.

3. Evidently, there are very few to no turkey farms in New Zealand, and only during this time (probably for the dumb foreigners) have we finally seen a frozen one at the market. But they're up to $45 for a small/medium-sized one.
Not that Mary nor I know how to cook a turkey if we did buy one. So, instead, we had (stifle your laughter, please) deli turkey sandwiches. Which wasn't actually too much less expensive. Just heaps easier. And no one seemed to mind.

4. No canned pumpkin sauce here ('Why would you want a canned pumpkin?' they say). Instead, Mary bought a REAL pumpkin and cooked and pureed it for the pie (very Betty Crocker, huh?). Then, I added the spices, eggs, and milk, and mixed it all up. So the pie was fresh as fresh. In fact, it was truly, downright incredible, and the highlight of the meal. As good as Jean's (luckily for us).

Also on our menu: homemade applesauce (again, Mary, who will make someone a lucky husband someday), peas, boughten rolls, gravy (from a jar, as no turkey juice = no gravy), and stuffing.

We invited my flat mates and my new Iowan friend, and we had a nicer than nice time drinking wine and explaining the story of Thanksgiving. It was a real treat for them to be treated and a real treat for us to share our traditions.

But, although the meal was fabulously prepared and shared with great friends old and new, Mary and I both understand that the meal isn't about what you're eating.

Having said that... I am incredibly grateful to be having the opportunity to create new lifelong memories with new lifelong friends. I am seeing and doing amazing things, and I have so much to look forward to. I am in a very good place surrounded by very good people (well, mostly, as Julia wasn't actually invited to the feast...).

That, though, doesn't make it any easier to be away from home for the holidays.

So this Thanksgiving Day, please take a minute to be incredibly thankful for all that you have and all that you hold near and dear. Be thankful for your experiences, your friends, your family, and your health. Look forward to new life, and be grateful for old loves.

Please take every opportunity to be thankful for where you are and who you are with.

Then, enjoy the parade. Enjoy the football. Enjoy the company of those you love. Enjoy the carrot and mayonnaise salad (any chance of getting some of that sent here, Jean?).

And hug someone extra today.

From halfway across the world, have a happy, happy Thanksgiving.

Cats and dogs (and snails, oh my!)

Cats:
They're everywhere. Everywhere. Here a stray, there a stray, everywhere a stray, stray. There are so many cats in this city that I am now convinced that stray cats reproduce like rabbits. Only the difference being that rabbits don't need to be fed or loved or cared for by humans. So we don't mind the rabbits, do we? But the cats? It's too much.

Now, people don't actually own as many cats as there are cats to own. Instead they just feed the strays. Technically, you might think that this makes each cat a belonging of somebody, but no. The cats just go everywhere.

Unfortunately, The Price Is Right is not shown here, and as a consequence, no one is reminded to spay or neuter their cats. But I guess, since no one actually owns the cats, there is nobody to pay for that. If anyone actually speaks to Bob Barker, give him the message that there is dire need for him here when he retires.

Who knows, though? There are probably as many cats here as there are in the States, with the difference being that there isn't very much room for them to spread out like there would be at home with all that land. It's a small island and all. And I don't think cats can swim.

Dogs:
Having been deathly afraid of dogs since I was bitten by one at the age of 13, I am pleased at the nature of canines here. To describe the Kiwi culture as 'laid-back' would be an understatement, and dogs follow the lead of their owners. I have yet to see a single dog on a leash, a dog that misbehaves, or a dog that barks at strangers. They just sniff other dogs' bottoms and follow their owners around like lost puppies (no pun intended). I walk by them and pet them and we're friends. Just like that.

Snails:
I have often wondered if cats actually like eating snails? And maybe having cats around keeps the snail population down? All I do know about snails is actually quite a lot.

1. Snails come out at night.
2. Snails move V...E...R...Y slowly.
3. When you lift up the rubbish lid at night, there could be as
many as 15 or 20 snails on the inside.
4. The next morning, they're all gone.
5. When you step on a snail, it sounds like glass breaking.

Now, the last fact brings me to my saddest story. It never fails that I don't remember that there are snails all over the ground until after I have stepped on one. I have done it twice now. It gives me the goosebumps and makes me feel horrible, but I can't have expected the snail to move fast enough to get out of my way. Or to hear me coming. But when I do step on them, I instantly stop once I hear the crunch, and then I check to see if it is ok, and then I wonder if the actual slug comes out to find a new shell. And where the heck do the snails get the shells in the first place?

Maybe I don't know as much about snails as I thought.

:)

Holidays with a friend (part deux)

In an effort to see as much of this part of the world as we can, Mary and I have booked our first big trip.

AUSTRALIA!

We've booked a three-week holiday at the end of January. We'll be going to Sydney, Melbourne, and then on a travel tour of the upper East Coast including Brisbane, Cairnes, The Great Barrier Reef, and the Whitsunday Islands. You can see an itinerary of the travel tour if you go to:

http://www.contiki.com/en-NZ/Tours/Australia/Beaches.and.Reefs/Itinerary.htm

But, that's not the best part.

We've got tickets to....

THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN!!!

We'll be flying into Melbourne to stay for three days and to see one of the world's greatest tennis events.

I am VERY excited.

(Secretly probably more excited for that part than the rest of it. Thanks, Grandpa, for that first tennis racket at age 9 that started my lifelong love of the game...)

--------

But until then, we have three other smaller trips planned. This weekend we're heading to Mt. Maunganui (thermal beaches) and Rotarua (thermal mud spas), with a small stop in Matamata (where Lord of the Rings was filmed). I'll be taking the LOTR tour of Hobbiton by myself, thank you very much. Mary and Mary aren't interested, but I can't pass it up.

Next weekend, over the Thanksgiving holiday, Mary and I have taken time off to head up to the Bay of Islands. This is at the very tip top of New Zealand, where it gets thin and the country becomes a bay of islands (catchy, huh?). Evidently, at the very tippiest-top of the island there is a place where the two opposing seas on each side of New Zealand come together to crash into each other (very Moses-esque) and then fall away. That'll be worth the price of admission right there...

Lastly, during the first weekend of December we're heading to the Coromandel, which is one of the most beautiful spots in the North Island. I have not heard much about this place, or what's there, but hey, who cares!

After that, we're in Auckland for a month to save up more and more moo-lah for our Aussie trip. I'm planning on sparing no expense.

----------

Side note:
I have always tried to be a hard worker and have always enjoyed working two or three jobs at a time. Often, though, I never felt like I had much to show for it, as I don't do a lot of expensive shopping. I always lived on a small weekly budget, and pinched pennies whenever possible. Instead of spending my income, I was, and am still more of a pack-rat with it, saving it all up for when I really need it.

These thrifty ways came in handy as I was paying for this Australian trip... I was able to shell out BIG bucks for the whole thing without batting an eye.

It was a nice realization for me that became very evident for the first time.

And I felt good walking away knowing that all of my hard work does pay off.

It's a small, small world

(This was the second-most exciting thing that happened to me this week):

Yesterday I was at my local Grey Lynn Foodtown grocery store with Ian and Sheena. We were buying ice cream (we LOVES ice cream) to eat after we had just had a feast of shrimps on the barbie.

On my way to the check out line I saw a girl who had a familiar shirt on.

It said Grinnell Softball.

My first thought: There are probably a million towns in the world called Grinnell.

My second thought: They don't play softball in New Zealand, she must be American.

So I walked up to her and said in one quick breath, 'Excuse me, Grinnell where?'

And she said, 'Iowa'.

Sheen and Ian and I all dropped jaws.

I said (excitedly, all in one breath), 'Me too! I'm an Iowan too!'

We chatted for a minute while queued up in line. She's been here a week (a newbie, I called her), she's here on a working holiday (just like me), and she lives right up the street (just like me).

Just think, a new friend from home. Someone who knows who the Nadas are and likes them as much as me.

Finally, someone who speaks my language.

It's like being in Heaven.

Only replace Heaven with Iowa.

We're having coffee later next week, and I can't wait for gossip from the good ol' Hawkeye State...

From the mouths of babes

On Friday I had the opportunity to teach in a Year 5 (we'd call that 4th grade) classroom.

When I got the call that morning I politely explained to the man on the phone that I was GLAD to teach in this classroom, but that I was not equipped with lessons for students of that age. To prepare, I took stock of my books and quickly thought about what lessons could be adapted for older kids. I chucked a few ideas in my giant bag and headed off.

Although I do not keep lessons for students this age, I did have one advantage. The older kiddos get, the more they notice differences in people. This is adventagous to me because once kiddos here reach 8 or so, they can conceptually understand that I am from very far away in the world. They hugely notice my accent and want to know all about me, which makes for a nice, long learning lesson. And it kills lots of time.

For this particular class, I made them wait until the end of the day to ask the questions. What was even better, though, was that in a last minute brain-surge, I realized that instead of just letting them raise their hands and ask, they could write me a short letter. In this letter I asked them to include three things they knew about America plus two questions they had for me. When they finished, I read the letters out loud, dispelled myths, laughed at what they wrote (with them, not at them), and answered the questions.

I thought I would share some of these responses with you for a good laugh. I was a little disappointed at the grammatical and conventional errors of students this age, but I am hoping it was because their teacher wasn't there to ask for the best work. They seemed very bright otherwise...

I assure you these are WORD FOR WORD (with only spelling and grammar having been corrected).

Facts about America:
*There are 80,000 McDonalds.
*They have snow at Christmastime.
*There are lots of people and a lot of famous actors.
*I think that in some parts of American there are a few bombs that have been let off.
*They spell their words different.
*It is full of different countries.
*I know that if you have been to jail you are not allowed in America.
*George Bush lives there.
*They have Waffle Houses.
*It has 52 continents.
*There are heaps of gangs.
*You used to live there.
*Wal Mart is a grocery/shopping center.
*I think that in NY most people go around on roller skates.
*The twin tower was one of the most tragic events in USA.
*America has lots of candy.
*I know that South Park was banned in America because it was too rude.
*There is a huge street called Tornado Alley.
*America owns an island called Hawaii.
*I know that America has one of the best accents.
*George Bush is the Prime Minister.
*There is a natural world wonder called The Grand Canyon.
*My Uncle Tom lives there.
*The flying time to America from Auck[land] is about 12 hours.


Questions about America:
*Have you been to Disneyworld (was on almost everyone's sheet)?
*Aren't you at war with Pakistan?
*Have you been to a gridiron [American football] game?
*Have you met any famous stars?
*Have you ever seen the White House?
*How many suburbs are there?
*Are labradoodles a popular dog?
*Is America noisier than Auckland or is Auckland noisier than America?
*Who do you vote for? George Bush?
*Have you seen a gang?
*How old are you if you are willing to tell me?
(and lastly)
*Where abouts in London do you live?

It was incredibly interesting and semi-insightful.

:)

Going to HELL...

HELL pizza, that is.

It's my favorite, favorite, favorite-ist pizza in the whole wide world.

Catchy name, huh??

One of the best parts is that it's really fun to speak with your mates and say things like this:
"Wanna go to HELL?"
or
"You're going to HELL? Yeah, I'll pitch in on that one."

Plus, the ingredients are super great. They mix very interesting stuff together to make it taste really good.

The names of the pizzas are very demonic. Some of them include Gluttony, Wrath, Underworld, Damned, and Morbid. It's really fun to order ('Yes, I'll have a Damned pizza with extra tomatoes, please.').

Now, I bet you can imagine that this pizza company is very popular, right? And I bet you can imagine that they are a little on the edge, and not afraid of crossing the line, right? And I even bet that you know there's a really good story coming about it, right?

(It's a REALLY good story. It goes like this:)

One day, Mary and I were walking home to my house for some relaxing after a day out seeing some sights. Like usual, I grabbed the mail from the letterbox. At the bottom of the letterbox was a small, perfectly square package with HELL advertising on it. It was a bit thick, having something inside of it. It was laying with the back side up, and we could see instantly that it was HELL's advert for their new pizza named Lust.

Mary said, "Look, matches!'

As soon as I picked up the package, we realized instantly that it wasn't matches.

Instead, wrapped perfectly in a little black advertising sleeve, was a condom, which included explicit instructions on use.

(Now don't fool yourself. I mean, who doesn't associate condoms and pizza together, being the same shape and all...)

And honestly, with a name like Lust, Mary and I decided that the condom was a very clever promotional idea.

But not everyone agreed.

You see, HELL pizza made the mistake of handing out the condoms to people's mailboxes on 30 October. The day before Halloween. Which wouldn't have really seemed TOO big a deal, except that many kids who went out to get the mail that day might have noticed the small, shiny package that looked like it could have contained a lolly (but upon opening it found that it wasn't).

Moms and dads were real mad. It was on the news and everything.

I still think it was pretty clever.

My night at work

On SPQR.

I have been in the hospitality business since I was
15. My mom said 'You should really learn to be a
waitress, because you can take that skill anywhere.'
Many years later, she was so right (thanks, Mom!).

I have worked in some great places. When I started at
Garden Cafe, it was a cool, cool cafe in the mall,
always busy, with really good food. Spaghetti Works
was a very cool place in Des Moines, very casual
dining with a fun atmosphere, and very popular for
locals and passers through alike. Mondo's was fine
dining, and at it's peak, was one of the finest
restaurants in Des Moines. The service was very
prime, and excellence was required.

In the last month I have decided that SPQR is one of
the coolest places in Auckland, and that I did well
waiting for them to call instead of settling
elsewhere. It is ALWAYS full, is ALWAYS being
recommended, and is ALWAYS host to Auckland's finest.
I work with the most interesting, eccentric, and nice
people, and am able to give casual service. There
aren't many rules, and the time goes fast. The dining
and service is excellent, and the reviews show that
SPQR has been an Auckland favorite for more then 9
years. While other restaurants come and go, SPQR
stays tried and true.

Last night was like any other.

At first.

During a busy time in the night (8:00-ish), I noticed
a guy standing near the wall in the room off of the
main dining area. Since SPQR is again, casual, people
often stand anywhere waiting for a seat, and the wait
is ALWAYS long, long, long on a Saturday night.

So, I asked him if I could help.

He replied, 'I'm the male dancer for the table in
there.'

(Uh... what?)

Thinking he was pulling my leg (in hindsight, I should
have known better), I just said in a very sarcastic
voice 'Ok, go on and dance then.'

I then proceeded to go up to Wendy, the cashier, and
let her know that this gentleman just told me that he
was the male dancer, and, wasn't that weird?

She said, 'Oh, good!'

I said, 'What do you mean, oh good?'

She said, 'You must not have been here three days ago
when the drag queens were here?'

I said, 'Umm, no?'

And then I said, 'You mean to tell me there really IS
a stripper here tonight?'

(Wendy nods)

"For that table?'

(nods again)

'While people are eating?'

And my (gay) manager Andy walks up and says 'There's a
stripper? A male stripper? I don't have a stripper
on the books tonight. But goodie anyway!!'

So, Andy walks over to the stripper and retrieves a
CD, which is PROMPTLY handed to (our utterly fabulous
and totally friendly transvestite bar maid) Betty to
be put in the CD player. Immediately, Michael
Jackson's 'Bad' blares. Andy yells, 'Betty, turn it
up!' It cranks.

Then the stripping began. In the middle of the
restaurant. While people were eating. And it was
perfectly acceptable. In fact, 95% of the patrons got
up and crowded around, cheering and clapping, taking
pictures. And Andy stood between the stripper and the
lone 10-year old boy in the back of the restaurant.

The stripper was a 'police officer', so handcuffs and
a baton were included.

It lasted about 10 minutes. It was actually fabulous,
because the atmosphere in the restaurant was electric.
My face was beat red the entire time, but to everyone
else, this was truly and perfectly acceptable.

Oh, and did I mention that the male stripper had been
hired for another male?

And just when I thought I'd seen it all.

(Guess I should've known better than to think I'd seen
it all...)

Wendy