Dear Mom and Gary,

I know it is going to be a year before you come to visit me in Japan, but there are a few things you'll need to know to help you get along. Since I've come, I've been collecting little tips for this exact reason, and I've decided to let you in on them a little early.

For starters, I will do my best to help you avoid Japanese toilets, but it is likely that before you leave, you will frequent a facility that does not care to take the more Western style into consideration. Please begin to practice for this now. The best tool to get you started? A spade and a 3x1x1 foot hole in the ground. Plus, I'll clue you in that it's much easier to use it if you face forward, not backwards. This is firsthand, tried-and-true knowledge on that that could save you some awkward embarrassment...

Raw fish isn't as bad as it looks. And it's much better than pretending what you are eating at Outback is anything close to what you'd expect to eat at Outback.

Mom: You are just going to love driving in Japan! Everything; the road, the steering wheel, all on the left side of the road. Just perfect for you southpaws! Imagine, for the first time in your life, reaching for the radio with your left hand. I bet it'll be a dream come true!

Garyls: The mailmen here are so friendly and courteous. Just like you! I'll see if I can't introduce you to a few...

There's no Dr. Pepper, or even diet cola. You'll have to do without. But there are lots of nice drinks you'll love. One, called Pocari Sweat, tastes just like it sounds. And green tea really is green and sometimes looks like powdered green chalk. I'm sure once you've tried it and gotten used to the pungent aroma, you'll really, really like it.

I hope you guys like soy sauce!

If you're really nice, I'll translate for you. Or, I just might sit back, watch you fend for yourselves, and laugh silently. (I guess it really depends on how many boxes of Cheerios you bring?).

Fortunately, at 165 centimeters, I don't stand out a whole lot. The bow-legged Japanese girls in heels keep up with me. But you two, measuring in at roughly 172 and 178 cm, well, you're screwed. The good news for me - when you get here, the little children at the shops will stop staring at ME so much...

Oh! I'm already so excited to see you both and welcome you to my part of the world! We'll have such a good time!

Love,
Wendy